Tag Archives: candle

The Fall

I wasn’t sure whether to post this but was encouraged to by some good friends. To anyone who recognises any of this, hang onto the light and remember you are not alone, even though it may feel that way. You will get through it.

One breath at a time. Reach out and grab that rope. Love and light to all.

The Fall

small flame

I. Am. Breathing.

I am still breathing. I’m not sure how.

I fell such a long way. Couldn’t stop myself, even though I tried. There didn’t seem to be anything to grab hold of, nothing to slow the fall.

It’s dark down here. I can’t move. My limbs are leaden and they’re aching like mad. But at least I can feel them.

And I am still breathing.

I should’ve been more careful, I suppose. Paid more attention. I could see the cracks, feel how things were becoming slippery. And they warn you, don’t they? Not to go too close to the edge? Be vigilant at all times. I didn’t realise that I was too close, not until it was too late.

I didn’t know that the crack was going to open up and swallow me whole.

It felt as though I was in freefall forever. Time’s funny like that; it loses its meaning when you’re spinning dizzily downwards in blackness, with every thought you’ve ever had plus a few extra for good measure clamouring for space in your head. You lose track of everything, even which way is up.

It was almost a relief to hit the bottom. Strange. I let sleep claim me even though I knew it was full of shadows. Maybe something worse.

But I am still breathing.

It’s so dark.

Tears start to spill now and I can’t stop them. I don’t even have the energy to wipe them away. Stupid. Stupid. As if they’re going to solve anything. But they keep coming anyway and after a while they’re like rain. I’ve learned to ignore the rain.

I can’t see anything.

I don’t think there’s a way out.

I’m so tired even though I must have slept for hours. Days maybe, or just minutes. I have no idea what the time is, what day it is even. That weird time anomaly again. It means nothing down here. I wonder if anyone’s missed me, even noticed that something’s different. I drag my hand up to my face and swipe at my eyes. The pain is excruciating. My head feels as if it might explode from the dark and the fear and the hurt.

I can’t stand it.

I don’t want to be here.


There. There! I see it, tiny but absolute. A point of light. I’m not imagining it.

You are in the room. You have lifted the duvet the littlest bit from where it covers my head.

“Hey, honey,” you say gently. “I’ve brought you a cup of tea. What else do you need?”

You have thrown me a rope. It’s the same rope you’ve been throwing me for months.

Today I’m going to grab it.

I am still breathing.



Truth Won’t Die – New Song For Halloween

Halloween GraveyardIt’s Halloween!! Also called Samhain and my favourite festival of the year, the night when the veil between realms is thinnest and magic feels close enough to touch. The night when anything is possible…

And to celebrate that and also the fact that it’s a year since my first title ‘When Joe Met Alice’ was published (now that was a magical day!) I am honoured and very proud to be party to the release of Truth Won’t Die, the song from the story.

I may have written the lyrics but the song as a whole was written and performed, mixed and Jedmastered by my son Jed. He took my words and a couple of suggestions that I made as to the direction that Joe would have taken them in, and has come up with a song that is just perfectly in tune with the story. (Yes, pun intended, sorry Jed!).

It has taken him hours of painstaking work. I don’t think most of us realise, when we listen to a song, just how much time, care and attention to detail goes into the creation of it. From the development of the melody and the guitar riffs, the keyboards and additional effects, the vocal line and accompanying harmonies, and of course the bass line and the drums that are the glue which holds it all together; each is created separately but written to fit into a perfect whole.

Then the recording; Jed put the drum track down using a keyboard and some specialist sequencing software then recorded keyboards, bass, rhythm guitar, lead guitar, lead vocals and lastly backing vocals, each in separate tracks layering on top of the drums. He played and sang all the tracks himself, a pretty impressive achievement, and mixed and mastered it afterwards. I’d like to say a huge thank you to him for all his work, and also thank his friend George Hunt for acting as studio engineer when Jed was doing the vocals.

So below is the link to Soundcloud; enjoy Truth Won’t Die. And as you light your candle this Samhain let it feed your inner flame and open up the magic inside.



Halloween GraveyardHurray! It’s Halloween! Today is a day when the veil between worlds is at its thinnest and magic is all around, so keep your eyes open and you may just luck into some. Although its modern celebration is with dressing up and trick-or-treating, traditionally it’s a day to honour ancestors and those we love who have passed on. In Mexico they celebrate the Days of the Dead, when loved ones can come back to spend time with their living relatives. In pagan traditions it’s called Samhain and is widely regarded as the end of the old year and the beginning of the new.

So after you’ve carved a scary face on the pumpkin, and the trick-or-treaters have emptied your cupboard of sweeties and apples, take a quiet moment to light a candle and remember those who have gone before. Wishing you all a lovely Halloween.



CandleCandles have a magic all their own. From the time before electricity and gas when they were the light in the darkness, they have come to symbolize so many things for us now, love, reverence, remembrance, hope. They are used in celebration, relaxation, meditation and probably a few other -ations that elude me now, not to mention their importance in romance and their supreme usefulness during a power cut. Candlelight has that mystical quality that is comforting and a little eerie at the same time, so lovely as the darkness covers us earlier, and the clouds blanket us from brightness. Here is an ode to the candle, a spooky little poem in the run up to Halloween. Continue reading